It is a funny question don’t you think? The debate over spanking rages on the Mommy boards and it shocks me as it seems fairly clear that the science says it can be very negative. So when a mother in asked me “You don’t spank your 3 year old?” I said “Of course not!” and went on with what we had been talking about, another conversation for another time. Thinking back, I should have explained. It just seems so odd to me that people still spank.
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Our little sweet baby is now 2.5, not yet three but soon she will be. She hit the terrible two’s hard as of late. She gets very upset when she doesn’t get what she wants. This doesn’t mean however that just because we do not spank that we simply give her what she wants. That wouldn’t really be parenting would it? Instead we make it clear what she can’t have but then make it clear what she can have. Sometimes though she is fixated and has a fit. These can be very hard to deal with. One of the tools we use to help end the fits is cuddling, if that doesn’t work often we will go on a walk. When that is not possible though, say on a snowy 3am, we will read a book, play a game, or sing. There is a song that seems to really calm her down these days and I thought I would share it here.
It is an adorable little song and she asks for it again and again. On some hard nights she has happily played this song on the iPad and drifted off to sleep. We could spank her when she has a melt down like so many other parents, or we could let her scream herself to sleep but we want her to feel secure and cared about. She has many years ahead of her to learn to self sooth. Things in life will be hard enough without us adding to them for her. Yes it is harder, yes we get less sleep sometimes. Parenting isn’t about convenience though right?Our older children are not little monsters, people talk about how well they are behaved very often. We don’t spank them either. It is just not something we resort too. They are watching us after all, and our actions speak louder than words. We expect then not to hit or hurt others, what example would it be to hit and hurt them? Spanking causes Mental Illness – Among adults, 2 to 7 percent of cases of mental disorders — including major depression, anxiety disorder and paranoia — are attributable to physical punishment that occurred during childhood, the researchers said.The study was about non-abusive physical punishment and made links to embarrassment punishments as well leading to mental illness. It is really sad that even with all the good studies and the common sense of it, that people will still defend their choice to hit small helpless children. This is my opinion though, and really it is more about how people assume that a parent who doesn’t spank is some how doing their child or society a disservice. That just isn’t the case, not spanking does not mean not parenting. Not parenting is another topic all together. So this is my little girl tonight, she was having a hard time and having a melt down over her siblings taking things from her she should not have been playing with. Nothing seemed to calm her down so even though I am in hellish pain I put her in my bed and played her song and suddenly life was good for her again. Then of course as the image above states, she needed novelty. Coloring in bed, playing with different things with a lot of interaction as children have a need for attention, it is just as important as food! ![16683_554810874531917_683515345_n]()
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(these are my day 9 photos for the photo a day 2013 challenge as well!) There are so many things we do that don’t involve spanking. Our children are safe and wonderful. My post is tell you that if you want to stop spanking, you can! It is possible and things can change in wonderful ways. Will it happen over night? No! But before you know it, spanking will not even be a thought to you when it comes to parenting choices because you will have so many other things that work so much better.
Do the research! If your a parent that does spank, you don’t have to justify it to me. Please know that I am aware I could always be wrong. Chance are I do not know you, and so there is no way I would think your a bad parent simply because you choose to spank. Such a judgement wouldn’t be helpful to anyone anyway. I don’t understand the choice, I think there is a better choice, but in the end you know your children best! If though your not happy as a parent, maybe it is time to change something and I am happy to help. If you need support, let me know! You matter and the best parents I think are the ones who can say they need help, and be willing to learn and change and grow. Our children teach us things all the time! Happy Parenting!
